I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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