Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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