dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just want nice things and good sex
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
