just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
