Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
