I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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