By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
