I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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