i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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