Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
