I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
