apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
