Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
