I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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