Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
