Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
