does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
