you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
