Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
