You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
