Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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