You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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