WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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