I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
