i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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