I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
