just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
