i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
