Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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