My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
