Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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