so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
