Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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