Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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