Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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