already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
