I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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