i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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