i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
