If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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