You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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