I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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