so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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