I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
