I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
