so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
