my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
porn star boner night. come get it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
