I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
