i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
