He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
