Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
