he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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