i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
