the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Green mimosas i think yes
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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