is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
