Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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