the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
