six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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