I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
