i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
