"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
