Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
