3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
