he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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