even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
