I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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