Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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