Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
