Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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