There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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