I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
