My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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