we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize