so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
