She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize