I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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