i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
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