he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
