OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you mean i was at the winter classic?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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