Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
There's always time for handjobs
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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