i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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