I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
